Friday, April 20, 2007

Oh No Not a Sex Theme Park

- An adults-only sexual "theme park" has opened in London, promising to help visitors improve their sex lives. ……..the attraction .. features interactive exhibits explores aspects of sexual relationships ranging from flirting to fetishes. "We are confident that visitors will walk away with tips to enhance their sex life and relationships," Amora spokeswoman Lisa Seddon said, adding the attraction aimed to steer clear of pornography and sleaze

DH Lawrence bitterly railed against those who “ Do Dirt “ on sex ,and I suppose the advent of sporty undergarments and open sexuality is a good thing . I do have a slight quibble though .I remember a friend of mine who being married gave me a lecture on my dissolute life- style as it then was…( was trying to be mostly)

“ New mania “ he said “ You haven’t grown up, you get horribly drunk because you are scared of women and then you fumble in the back of taxis and chase women who will never like you . Its simple . Find someone who likes you and you like . You go home , take your clothes of and have sex “

Newmania replied

“ Well how bloody boring is that !!”

So I rather hope it doesn’t get too healthy and normal . . This attraction may “steer clear of pornography and sleaze” , but stolen pleasures are always tastier.Even Blake`s Angel must steal the peach to enjoy it and stay innocent

I askèd a thief to steal me a peach:
He turnèd up his eyes.
I ask'd a lithe lady to lie her down:
Holy and meek, she cries.

As soon as I went
An Angel came:
He wink'd at the thief,
And smil'd at the dame;

And without one word said
Had a peach from the tree,
And still as a maid
Enjoy'd the lady.

. Oh I should add this was a long time ago I am a boring old married chap now …… No peach stealing for me . NONE


Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Nm, you obviously love being married! And peaches are often disappointing, you know...

Newmania said...

..True true fact ..I have never been unfaithful or dishonest to anyone in my life . Bloody few opportunities I must admit but I `ll take all the credit I can get

Philipa said...

But it sounds so simple doesn't it? You know the 'find someone you like who likes you..' bit. But it's not, NOT!!!

You have the liar: (had one of those) who says he likes you, says ALL the right things in fact; makes promises, introduces you to family on sundays, all that. You fall for it, he reveals he lied (usually when you're now pregnant) but he's always liked you.

You have 'the friend': you like them, they like you, but not that way. Nope they're not gay, married, attached in any way, in the priesthood, HIV +'ve, ill or in fact dead. They wax lyrical on your desirability, your charm, your intelligence, your wit and your car (this happens when they have none and it's raining). They make a pass only when drunk and have nothing better to do. But they like you.

And you have 'the married man': (present company excepted N) oh he likes you alright, right up until his wife/neighbour/wifes best friend walks through the door. Then he treats you like the unexploded bomb from hell when all you did was politely let him talk, and he can't get away fast enough. But he likes you, every time his wife's not looking.

And of course you have 'the milkman': the charmer with the gift of the gab who likes... everybody. He's keen to make daily deliveries but one at a time, and he prefers all accounts be kept confidential.

It's a minefield out there!

Lilith said...

A sex theme park? To improve sex lives? What utter cock! Sex has beauty and magic when shared with someone special and doesn't when its treated like a wank. Then it is merely a thrill. Good sex is not the stuff of theme parks. This sounds like a wank theme park. Not that I am against wanking. Just that it is on an entirely different level to the pleasures of sex when two hearts are in there too. What will they think of next?

I have to say though I think sex is totally wasted on the young however obsessed and dedicated they might be to the cause. That's one of the reasons getting older is great!

Electro Kevin said...

I'm thinking of producing an organic sex toy by crossing a Mexican jumping bean with a cucumber.

Newmania said...

he likes you alright, right up until his wife/neighbour/wifes best friend walks through the door. Then he treats you like the unexploded bomb

Ouch !!!!But suppose he does like you what is he supposed to do , undo the past ?

Newmania said...

That's one of the reasons getting older is great!

It certainly beats the alternative Lilith . I suppose the difference you are talking about is between sex with your imagination and sex someone else. I have a feeling this distinction is not as cut and dried as you suggest

Newmania said...

EK-crossing a Mexican jumping bean with a cucumber.

Doesn't it seem unfair to you that only women get good sex toys . We get nothing . I `ve heard of an electric vagina but they obviously don`t work. They get these devices with wqhich ( apparently ) we can be replaced.
I don`t get sex toys , without the back story it makes no sense

Electro Kevin said...

'I've heard of an electric vagina, but obviously they don't work ...'

I wonder if the two stroke version is better. (Petrol engine)

'I don't get sex toys, without the back story it makes not sense.'

Why don't you approach Pixar and have them make an animated movie Sex Toy Story with a voice over from Tom Hanks ?

Philipa said...

Well of course you have good sex toys N - lower class people call them neighbours, middle class people call them pets (woof! baa) and upper class people call them staff, however, only the middle classes include a guilt trip in their pleasure.

Electro Kevin said...

Such understanding of social hierarchy, Philipa. You forgot siblings which seems to be peculiar to the working classes of Bridgewater and Tiverton around these parts.

A recruitment consultant friend of mine uses the acronym NBFT in his files: Not Bad For Tiverton (if the candidates are normal)

This is not a joke.

Blog Archive