Friday, February 02, 2007

I HATE COMPUTERS ( a therapy intermission)

I `m not expecting help I just want to tell the world how much I hate computers . Everyone thinks they are so useful , friendly little presences that just want to help . Well you are all so so wrong. They are in fact minor demons some way down the hierarchy from famine and pestilence , maybe , but spirits of pure evil nonetheless. If it gives you some idea this is my current top ten hate list.
1 Computers
2 Socialism
3 Work
….and computers fill the rest of the available space.

Its all my fault . I went to a site that I should have , not an illegal site but not one lets say I would like to discuss with my mother ,or anyone else come to think about it . It sent me spy ware and this caused the appearance of weird windows looking objects which , being a total stone age idiot ,I took to be real .I carefully did exactly as I was told until I was riven with scurvy and had to take time from work to download Nazi Aryan thug spy ware. The blonde Gestapo programme marched in and ethnically cleansed the whole lebensraum ( you see the state of mind you get into ). Damn right I thought . I watched the fires burn across virtual land . Die , die you unclean pig -dogs. I may have shouted…what is happening to me ?
All of this caused me to close to a nervous breakdown and then , what should the venomous swine do this morning but leap out of its slumber and stop me sending emails .I can get emails , I can use the interweb , but when I try to send one it breaks the connection. It maybe something to do with some update of windows or a compacting cue that kept turning up. Who knows .

This I know .Once again the malevolent sprite “computer” is licking its dry lips with ill concealed joy. Once again ,the gulf between Gutenberg types like me and technical overlords like you is all to clear. I `m going to end up shining your shoes just because I can`t press a few buttons .I tell you now though ,when you don’t let me on the bus , when you won’t share the latrine with me you are storing up trouble oh yea your time is coming .One day I `m going to kick this stupid thing out of the window and I will have the last laugh.


But if anyone has any advice , I will be your slave and write your biography with belly crawling unctuous and pitiable gratitude ……..weep weep weep.

Come to think of it inanimate objects in general...don`t get me started...

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

How Long Can a Headless Chicken Live ?

I bet you don’t know how long a chicken can live without its head, I `ll tell you later , but first I want to have a chat about the Liberal Majority Council of Islington. These two strands are combined by the fact of James Kempton our newish leader.

Let me give you some background .Islington had been solidly Labour for thirty years .It was poor area and the ruling labour Party did all they possibly could to keep it that way,making it what it is today,the benefits basket case borough of London.It is,now, also gentrified,in spots,and there you will find Left wing Polticos plotting to send their children to private school,or, in Emily Thornberry`s case,Grammar. There is still a natural Labour majority though ,bought and paid for by the tax payer and it took a woman of Margaret Hodge`s supreme stupidity to go too far.We had a Red Flag over the Town Hall and a bust of Lenin in the atrium.

Inefficiency and graft were up to the usual standard and finally Islington had had enough. It 1992 The Liberal Party swept away years and years of socialism and Islington became their proudest London possession under the impressive,I admit, Steve Hitchens. Largely as a result of the arrogant treatment of the Borough over car related stealth taxes (cpz`s) and fake Consultations ,it all went wrong for them at the last locals . Hitchens was personally cast out and the Liberal majority , is now,one

This is all old news and yet it is highly relevant to James Kempton’s , “I Claudius “, assumption of power. He was giving the Islington Association a little chat about eerrrm... him , his hopes, his dreams and all that banana oil .The Islington Association is so old that some of the members like Edward Heath, but I thought I `d pop along …..
So what did James have to say? Nothing much. He told us how he’d never had a proper job , at 38 he had just qualified as teacher with lifetime of bureaucratic form filling behind him. He went on about how he loved children.. And then we got down to the serious business
He sat there ,giggled girlishly, and said things like “Listening “ and ” Sharing in the real dilemmas”, .He worried about poverty …ahh diddums and he believed in education which gave him his chance..yawn.. He was proud of the education record ( its appalling but better than under Labour). He is keen on Key worker hand out houses, ,..lets see now… “Community “ …”Moving forward together” …blah blah blah..Oh yes this about sums it up for me

“ I do not on the one hand want a five year plan like a Communist State on the other hand I don’t want to go back to the eighties and Laissez Faire.”

To decode, he sees himself as midway between Stalin and Margaret Thatcher. Two points. Firstly Margaret Thatcher was popular PM in the word oldest democracy and Stalin was an opportunist Gangster who slaughtered 20,000, I don’t quite accept the implied equivalency. Secondly , it means nothing . Fib Dums all over .

He was most unimpressive ,and he is frightened. He is in situ only because in 1992 the Libs had to take any idiot around and then when they lost half the wards, he was the only one left standing. The good news , in a sense ,is that Labour are likely to take back power here soon ,and they do have a much better leader. I `ll be honest, their Councillors are also much better. Will Islington ever trust the Reds again , I think so and I think it may even be an improvement. At least ,an hour in this fool’s company told me one thing. There is no point here in voting anti Labour ie Liberal , we are better off building our Party and harassing them both from the treeline as ever.

On every substantive subject ( Ashton school, Archway ), he was “consulting “and “listening” and on the Social housing ,a fake negotiation between him and Ken Livingstone continues . I think we will end up with about 13000 over ten years which will be a disaster. It depends if Ken gets the powers he needs but I `m pretty sure he will.

requiescat in pace Islignton

So we are lead by the Prat in the Hat and he is scared witless of his own inadequacy. Great! lets get back to the Chicken

PS Mikes site

Damn blogger have removed links but its there .



The Chicken,
On the 10th of September 1945 in Fruita Colorado a young cockerel had his head chopped off and survived. Mike as he was known become a national celebrity as “Mike the Headless Chicken” Fed with an eye dropper he lived for two years until his tragic death in an eye dropper choking accident. In Fruita, they celebrate his passing with “Mike the headless chicken day”, every May

I don`t give the Liberals that Long and Mike was quite real

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

A Fire Raging in Islington

You may have seen the AnnWiddecombe Versus the Hoodies Programme in which she stayed with the Spall family and experienced the real Islington,,2001320029-2007010351,00.html
It was, of course, given great prominence locally, and exposed the true nature of the Borough. What a telling combination of a good Labour Councillor who lives on the estate and a fine principled Conservative. They may have different agendas but between them they have exposed the despair that New labour lies inflict daily on ordinary people. How I wish we spent more time trying to connect with the betrayed working class ,and less sucking up Liberal Hypocrites.


Naturally as Conservatives ,we want to ensure the right conclusions are drawn. This is going into the locals ,although I may have to cut it down.

Dear Sir

The courage of the Spall family is twofold . Firstly, they stood up to the Andover yobs .Secondly , with Ann Widdecombe`s help, they have revealed the truth about the Islington, far from Emily Thornberry`s super gentrified Barnsbury. The commendably pugnacious Ms. Widdesombe came to support the majority of “Forgotten decents “ in her phrase, and to ask why ,.”Abandon hope all ye who enter here” is the way the nation thinks of our failing estates. We cannot go on ignoring the uncomfortable truths.

We are putting a quart of social problems into the pint pot . Fifteen thousand wait on the housing list and as long as we go one offering £250000 homes at a third of market rates this will never change. Already half of the Borough is Council housing with 2/3 on benefits up from 50% in 1981 . Now thirteen thousand additional Social housing units are being forced on us by Ken Livingstone.
Marginal rates of taxation are at 75% and more, at the low end, ensuring no escape from poverty ,and as Frank Field put it “… dependency is set to Blow apart some of the key characteristics which underpin common citizenship”. We reward irresponsible pregnancy, and then we are surprised at the ensuing Social breakdown. New Labour have created impossible conditions and they owe the decent majority protection from their insane policies.

The protection was supposed to be ASB0`s ,the new medallion of delinquent youth. Naturally the Police know the 20 or so Coucil tenants responsible for 95% of the crime but cannot act.. HFL managed to evict a grand total of ,seven people , for Anti Social behaviour last year. Lousie Casey , coordinator of the Government’s laughable “Respect Task Force”will be delighted
“ We don’t want people moved ..It has to be met where the people are “, she said.Yes Louise but they are all here !

Councillor Spall exposed more than the incompetence of HFL. Remove the twenty of course ,but there will soon be twenty more. It is “..the erosion of what use to be called the moral fabric of society “,that David Cameron rightly identified an the core problem.Let us not foget that in ,Lord of the Flies London ,seventy four children are mugged everyday often for mobile phones. The young suffer most of all.

Catastrophic benefits and housing policy allied with impotent policing and toothless ASB initiatives make criminals and victims alike, “Abandon hope”. New labour have truly rebuilt Dante`s “City of Woe”; right here in Islington

Paul Newman
Vice Chairman Islington North Conservatives

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Take Me To The River

I`ve always wanted to be deep. How many girls did I regale with buckets of whimsy and insight only to asked “Who is your friend …the quiet one.” Its enough to sap your faith in the Protestant work ethic.
Speaking of which, in what was probably largely an attempt to dab a little profundity behind the ears,the Newmans returned to Church . Starving people ,I `ve read,wait in the food queue when they know nothing has been delivered and I seem similarly unable to learn from experience.
Anyway, for whatever mixed and ignoble reasons,along we went,Marian and I had been arguing all week so chit chat was minimal.The trundle of Elliot’s push chair accompanied our grim silent simmering plod .Soon we were within sight of the spire, nestled in the crook of an ferociously busy arterial road in the picturesque Hamlet of London .My first “Damien in the car”, moment came when I saw the of the Alpha Course banner.
“Oh fuck a duck ,” ..“this lot are really full on”….
“Don`t you want to go?”
“ I said we’d go didn’t I..Jesus..”….

Smiles fixed, we charged the door,it has been over twenty years, barring the Christmas sing-along .I peered like curious Alice around a stone pillar into the gloom , while Marian,who knew someone from toddler group, gabbed enthusiastically.I was left with devout hubbie,a man of about 13 in M and S smart casual .At 43 I retain the black leather and jeans uniform .A Classic I like to think.
“ So first time ?” ..
“ Uh sort of .. I did loads of god bothering as a child though”
…a wifely eyebeam slashed across my forehead,and I was back on message.” I mean I was in a choir and things I ..we live nearby , We thought we`d come along you know “. Fortunately Elliot , at sixteen months is getting a handful to hold and my intermittent wrestling gave me useful cover for a strategic retreat.
We found some seats ,but by this time the venue was hopping with even standing room under pressure Marian was still smiling like the bloody Joker and a couple of crazed notices later we launch into the first number. I soon discovered that the bums on pews strategy here, revolves around never being more than a minute from a song. They know the business called show …oh yes.
Unfortunately I like music and , damned though I may be , I very much like Hymns. This was something else ,a new sort of experience I would call…torture.
The ensemble was guitar, violin ,Cello ,drum`n`bass and backing singers .No more than three chords were involved and as we munched laboriously through about eight of them I grasped the formula .
You start with a simple repetition.
“Jesus loves me “.. eyes begin to close in rapture “Jesus loves me”
Then some explanatory notes concerning time and place”
“ He loves me in the morning as a make a cup of tea
Even when I comb my hair ..he loves me “
And so we proceed to the crucial moment when the drummer ,who had been snare tapping,exploded into action ,up a fourth ,and the righteousness starts to blow your hair back
“ HE`S MY LORD..” now they are swaying and oddly holding a hand aloft “HE`S MY LORD”
Numerous sticky moments followed in a service of which I recognised not a syllable. Clasping complete strangers was tense . Directly communing with the spirit of the Lord in a terrifying five minute period of “Bearing witness”.. …. was another highlight
Elliot’s voluble complaints required my frequent absence and , trotting to and fro ,I noticed a softening in Marian ,who in prime form can maintain frosty mode for months . After about an hour of unremitting “Joy” , we simultaneously realised we were only at half time .I look at her in speechless conspiratorial despair and .. her lips form the silent word “Help!”. We were once more ,the only two sane people in the world .
We will not be returning but ,for all I know ,god has a sense of humour. His flock helped me to a most enjoyable Sunday afternoon . Besides which,if I can locate a church in which doubt is tolerated , and the Book of Common prayer an occasional guest, I may have another go. As I say , I`ve always wanted to be deep. “Why?” impresses people so much more than ”why not? “.

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