Friday, July 13, 2007

Look Back in Languor (2)

You know in retrospect its hard to see what the point of trying to burn people alive ,at Glasgow airport ,was. They were, after all, Scottish people ,going to Spain , they would come back looking as if they had been bungee jumping into a volcano at the best of times…. Bum tsssssk


Is it true that when Annie Leibovitz asked the Queen to remove her Crown for an informal photo the Queen glanced at her full state regalia and politely wondered if the celebrity snapper thought she generally wore a ton of velvet , silk and heraldic regalia to watch Eastenders . Oh I do like to think so .
Isn’t she wonderful !

Has it struck you that some people who ought to be happy are not . Chief amongst them is JK Rowling, god she looks as if she just ate the marzipan revel doesn’t she . One likes to think that the second the front door closes she drops the modest pose and dances down the hall shouting “£600,000,000” I `m so rich it hurts before bathing in champagne. Otherwise what’s the point ?

A word on the EU . In the UK in 2005 , tax free day fell on the 31st of May .In the Eurozone tax free day does not come until the 28th of June. In the US it is on the 11th of April.. Hint hint …

The Labour government always talk about devolving power to the regions . Power was already devolved , to local government whose powers can be varied by statute Law. Regions are sucking up power to the government and away from the electorate.. God I love them ( in the sense that I do not )


…Why is it that Jeremy Paxman does satirical outrage in such a ponderous way. His recent outburst against the tie , worn he says only by politicians the journalists who interview them and dodgy estate agents was alright as far as it went but not exactly a soufflĂ© . Instead he adopts the manner of newly arrived alien dignitary with adenoids ( A Pizza you call it , and it comes in a box , preposterous !)……

Few men are as self obsessed as John Pilger who I am pretty sure (seriously ) has mid term Alzheimer’s. Love this ….“ On 5 June 1968 , just after midnight , Robert Kennedy was shot in my presence at the Ambassador Hotel Los Angeles “…..now that’s a name drop.

I have just listened to Alisatair Campbell breathlessly narrating his tedious diaries in the manner of Scott of the Antarctic“. On the third day we finished the dogs and began to gnaw on Browns gangrenous knee….it was tough…”. Did he ever stop crying ? Anyway I was reminded of an altogether saner individual .Mick Jagger recently pulled his autobiography because it was too dull . He had been paid a huge fee but he explained “, I was sitting around with someone talking endlessly about the past, lving in it , and I found it rather dull.”…. Micks still got it

And , have you noticed that Tom Jones , not only coughs for no apparent reason but over explains ..cue Welsh accent …” this thing here you see, its called a microphone ..it a amplifies my voice …makes it louder( cough) , so you hear it louder where you are than the way I sang it see (cough)….produces increased volume …etc. ad nauseum”

GM protesters got the wrong field and planted 1000 organic potatoes so as to render the field unsuitable for a GM potato trial . The actual trial took place miles away..Tee hee. A bell ringer had to be rescued form the belfry by the fire brigade having held onto the rope at St John The Baptist Church Lougton Essex …comedy trombone ….


An interesting thought is that having one eye Gordon Brown has no stereoscopic vision and thus no perspective . Does he think Hazel Blears is just a long long way away ? It seems likely .Bum Tsssssk

That was the second of the Look Back In Langour series

22 comments:

CityUnslicker said...

that was very good and made me laugh. It has also drained me mentally and left me with nothing sane to say.

wibble

Ed said...

Comedy trombone - love it!

Anonymous said...

Totally off-topic, but as seen on Newsnight tonight:

Labour accept donation from convicted rapist Owen Oyston.

TinyURL.com/2pdcrb

TinyURL.com/2vjkwz

Newmania said...

Wibble CU

Hi Ed


Anon ? Thanks for that ...um why anon ?

Ed said...

I got that post on my blog too. I don't understand anonymous posting...

Newmania said...

Nor me ed. Saw it in the news

mutleythedog said...

Re JK Rowling-I am releasing some Mutley the Dog products which will make me as rich as her Harry and Hermione Wands have made her.. these include branded collars, tissues etc..

Newmania said...

I think you are fibbing Mutters

electro-kevin said...

Each point in order of appearance:

- The mossies ought to have attacked a distillery, more chance of it going off and the English would have given a shit.

- I thought the Queen WAS in Eastenders ... for a fleeting moment during the Blitz episode.

- JK Rowling: Think about this - being surrounded by loud snotty kids at book signings ... all... day ... long ; £600,000,000 just ain't enough.

- Tax free day in the EU may be late, but at least the French and Germans have proper roads and railways to show for it, and other member states have enjoyed access to the flood relief funds(in fact the Czech Republic weren't even members when they got it)

- The Labour Government doesn't want power, it wants to drink our blood and suck our brains. The recent debacle whereby a group of school kids called the RAF to rescue them by a helicopter from a field of cows proves that government policy is to produce a generation whose only hope of usefelness is to be sold as meat to the ever growing population of China (those buggers 'll eat anything - even fat slags)

- I could teach Jeremy Paxman how to do a tie properly ... nice 'n' tight, capiche ???

- Robert Kennedy was shot on my birthday, now THAT'S a name drop !(True)

- Alastair Campbell's diaries are only tedious because all the best bits have been cut out. In fact, the best bit to cut out would be the lying bastard's tongue.

- You may take the rise out of Tom Jones, but he saved our family a fortune in Persil; Mother never had a pair of knickers left to wash ! If this is typical of the average family the man's done wonders for the environment.

- Potatoes ? Trumpets ? Are you sure it wasn't a ...

...tuber. Bombom !

- Gordon Brown has lost an eye ? If he couldn't be trusted to look after his own kit why did we ever trust him with our money ?

[that was hard work]

Newmania said...

Kev ? Good grief i didn`t expect such a detailed reading , you are a sort of opinion Wallmart aren`t you . Rack`um and stack`um . .

You must have aquite an unusual brain , half od the time i haven`t got a clue what to say , especialluy on CU`s blog


I could teach Jeremy Paxman how to do a tie properly ... nice 'n' tight, capiche ???


Very funny

Ed said...

Kev, do you mean that "education, education, education" weren't the first three priorities of New Labour, or that they were priorities but not in the way we were supposed to understand them (i.e. "destruction, destruction, destruction"...)?

electro-kevin said...

New Labour just wanted office - at all cost and it would seem for no apparent reason.

I think you answered well my question about Europe in (another post) - they won office in '97 and parochial issues simply weren't big enough for their huge egos. They've cocked up the mundane detail because at heart they are childish. Modern British politicians are but dwarfs compared to the giants of previous eras. I fail to understand why people suck up to them - unless they're after ermine of course, I've heard that comes cheap nowadays so I'm not interested than'youverrymuch.

Newmania said...

Started education education education ,and ended location location location

Ed said...

Oi Newmania what happened to your Sunday polemic?

Newmania said...

been out all day Ed...shame .

The Hitch said...

It realy fucks me off that I didnt get to meet JK Rowling before that bespectacled doctor (pervert) got a grip on her she isnt bad looking and has enough cash to keep me in Range Rovers and fine wine for the rest of my life even if I did fuck about a bit. Probably like Prince Phillip and the queen.
Life has dealt me a shitty hand.

The Hitch said...

PS
As a Cameron fan perhaps you could do a bit of greasing and pony up a grand for that african trip , then you could have a posting headed

"Looking back in rwanda"?

Newmania said...

Look back in Rwanda ...wish i `d said that .. and now I will

Jenny! said...

Hey baby! I will take my crown off for you!

Newmania said...

ha ha Jenny , althought actually ."You can leave your hat on "

Philipa said...

"Has it struck you that some people who ought to be happy are not"? If I won the lottery I'd be jumping around like Daffy Duck (that cartoon always reminds me of a certain someone who shall remain nameless..) I'd be so happy I might even.....

Nah.

Newmania said...

What what ? Go on do whatever it is ,( Can I watch )...

Now that was classy

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