Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Dullest Lunch Ever Recorded ?

"There's now a posse of us bloggers with book deals with a secret forum - and over the last few months we have happily procrastinated by sending emails round, encouraged each other, shared whinges and victories and tips for writer's block and deadline hell. A few weeks ago we all went out to lunch and some of us carried on until the evening."

( Rachel North London)

Astonishingly I was not invited .Just think of that all of those tedious media creeps gathered in one place .... What an opportunity... I wonder who belongs to this clandestine society of the dishonest blogger. I look forward to seeing the roll of shame published. I only ask that they should be pursued with pitch forks and burning torches through the night until they leave this land and never return .....but noone ever listens to me.


DALE - I was suprised to see him in the Telgraph this morning . It was a pretty vanilla flavoured article but on refelection there wasn`t much more he could do with it . Its a dull story .I do think he might have put a bit more effort into the title though." Keep The Champagne on Ice" ..that really is " as old as the quills ".
Still , good to see Iain doing well no doubt the next one will have a bit more personality to it

54 comments:

Istanbul Tory said...

Rachel from North London,
....not my cup of tea but at least, she hasn't killed anyone.

Rachel said...

It's actually a group of novelists, many of whom have already published novels, and some of them also have blogs.

I'd prefer it if you didn't bother coming over and commenting, newmania, I'm getting a bit tired of it.

Thanks

Newmania said...

You really are a pompous moo aren`t you Rachel.What you don`t get is that its that very quality of self esteem and god awful smugness that I so greatly enjoy.
The fact that you react to a few critical commnents as if it were sexually inappropiate behaviour in the office only makes you more fun to mock.

I am far from tired of it you are starting to get really funny now


Having said that IT you are right there are worse things in the world than pain in the arse Rachel and i do feel abit unchivalrous .
She think very highly of JHL you know

Ellee said...

Calm down guys, I know you also have your little bloggers clique, but I'm all on my lonesome in the wilds of Cambridgeshire.

Justin Hinchcliffe said...

When are you next 'down', Ellee? We'll keep you in good company...

Newmania said...

Worry not Ellee only the pompous and self besotted are my prey you are very nice .Perhaps I should stop stalking Rachel( as she would not doubt put it).

She does make it awfully tempting though glistening as she does with illconcealed self delight . I don1t actually see why it is wrong to criticise people who , deserve it anyway .Its healthy and ,she should mend her ways



BUT ..IT is right there are worse things by far , at sea.

Istanbul Tory said...

Well, if JHL hasn't been barred by Rachel yet,standards really are slipping.A proposof nothing, I wonder if she would support chemical castration of paedophiles.

Arthurian Legend said...

Iain is probably right in his understanding of the Cameron strategy, but it doesn't help to endear the project to those like myself who are philosophically more in tune with a good deal of the core beliefs of the Conservative "right" and UKIP, and who like a style that is a little bolder and more argumentative...

And it doesn't really become Iain to have his head up the backside of project Cameron in this way either...

But I know that we differ in our attitudes to such matters.

mutleythedog said...


I'd prefer it if you didn't bother coming over and commenting, newmania, I'm getting a bit tired of it.


Ooooooh - someones tired! I've only just discovered the unalloyed joy of her blog Mr N - don't spoil it for us by bursting her bubble with your little prick. I shall be hosting a bloggers event myself soon, I don't know whether it should bungee jumping or a custard pie fight - what do you think?

Newmania said...

Well yes and no AL , I do not think your views are much to the right of mine its just that you get more cross about the mannerin which david cameron is going about getting the image right

I always said that what was acceptable in the leader ( bound to be looking for the new voter) was a lot harder to take from fawning supplicants.

He needs people around him criticising and catching the out riders but he has a load of creeps .


Ask her IT I think she might go into victim overload and explode

Newmania said...

don't know whether it should bungee jumping or a custard pie fight - what do you think?


Both Mut but bungee jumping with a rope thats to long for nasty people.

That would technically be murder but I think we could laugh it off

Anonymous said...

Come on people you write a tatty little blogs that nobody reads and suddenly your the worlds greatest authors, it had to be said :-)

Now get to work you lot , as I need my daily dose these tatty little blogs.

Ellee said...

We must plan something social with Croydonian et al and invite Rachel too, she really is very good company too.

Newmania said...

invite Rachel too

Honestly Ellee you are funny.

wife in the north said...

i'll come but only if it's a custard fight

Philipa said...

Newmania - I'd ask to be invited as I'd love to meet ellee but I'm afraid I might end up giving 'wife in the north' something to really bleat about, like a punch in the face whilst suggesting 'over blown similes' to accompany the event on her whinge-fest blog.

PS: 'glistening as she does with illconcealed self delight' my but you're good.

Ellee said...

Well it looks like there's going to be quite a crowd, I hope Philipa comes too, and yes, Rachel as well. And what a bonus to have wife in the north.

Istanbul Tory said...

I'll come but only if Ms Smack and/or His Grace is in attendance....

Philipa said...

Thanks ellee - are you by any chance arranging mud and selling tickets, popcorn and hotdogs?

Is Iain Dale comming? Will it be televised?

mutleythedog said...

wife in the north said...

i'll come but only if it's a custard fight


I proposed a Custard Pie fight - not just custard, you need the pie crust for extra crunchiness, on impact, ... it does seem a bit of a silly idea in retrospect.
I am still under a 20 mile exclusion order (ASBO) in all London boroughs so could not come there unless I adopted an effective disguise. I am ignoring Mr Ns suggestion that we lure people along and murder them as it would be "conspiracy" were I to respond!

mutleythedog said...

Istanbul Tory said...

I'll come but only if Ms Smack and/or His Grace is in attendance....


I am sure Ms Smack would be game ... shes a game girl.

mutleythedog said...


Is Iain Dale comming? Will it be televised?


Iain Dale has taken to deleting my comments from his blog - despite his profession of deep and abiding friendship after an encounter in the gents at St Pancras 3 years ago. Also he wrote to me in a private email

"Fuck off !- please just fuck off and stop commenting on my dairy (sic) you are not funny, you are a grandstanding little turd..." and so on in a similar vein. I was forced to post a few answers on his blog!!

istanbultory said...

His Grace might be game too, one imagines. Wife in the north is simply divine isn't she? Thrilling stuff...

Newmania said...

Wife in the North is pretty good I think its not easy to do that sort of thing .Phillipa you take it to seriously its pleasant escapism why worry. I know its not your cup of tea but I enjoy it ( Glisteing...etc. was Rachel)

Rachel is a pain in the arse but I didn`t want to make a proffession out of it I `m feeling thoroughly unchivalrous now .She`s far to feeble minded to stand up to herself and one doesn`t want to be a bully

Boring Floaty dress wearing liberal is not a capital offence . Its just apain.


Mutley I`m really sorry to hear that .Iain isn`t usually such a swine .He lets all sorts of things through and I`ve never noticed you being other than entertaining.

Thats really very odd I can`t understand it at all.It doesn`t sound like Iain part from anyhting else he`s so calm

Newmania said...

IT His Grace is not game for being alive. Have you emailed him .He never blinks you know .

( Although he is a delightful fellow who I admire tremendously)

Ellee said...

Philipa, I think the normal format is to choose a pub and just turn up. I have no preference.

Justin Hinchcliffe said...

Where's the venue for this bloggers' get together? Do we have to wear clothes? Poor Ellee has no idea as to what we north London Tories get up to!

Newmania said...

you don`t have to wear Clothes Justin but then you do have the body of Michaelangelos David.

I know of no "get together" although if Elee ever put in an appearance I would certainly go and pay homage

electro-kevin said...

Don't forget to invite JHL y'all.

Ellee said...

O.K. I shall decide and test how serious you are about this. The venue will be The Orchard Tearooms in Grantchester, my very favourite place - it serves alcohol too and is next door to Jeffrey Archer's house, so you can admire the statues on his front lawn too, maybe pay homage to him as well.

I am happy to collect a bunch of you from Cambridge railway station, why not suggest a date. I'm sure Justin knows it.

Justin Hinchcliffe said...

Or we could drive up the M11 and turn left when we reach the centre of Trumpington. Have a nice cup of tea - we'll meet you one of the pubs.

I can then give you a tour of Addenbrookes Hospital, where I am a Foundation Member (still - after all these years!). If it's a warm day we can all swin in the nude in the River Camb (know a nice quiet spot just behind the nature reserve at Newnham (Lamas Land).

Archer has had his naked shepherd stolen - it's probably now in King's Hedges.

Croydonian said...

Nice part of the world. One of my 'civilian' friends has in-laws there, and we did some sitting around in the tea rooms over the wedding weekend.

Mr R said...

N - I make a mean custard pie....

Ellee said...

We can go punting too, the possibilities are endless...

Philipa said...

ellee - Grantchester, ah Grantchester!

Newmania - "pleasant escapism"? and 'not easy to do'? Not easy to keep reading and not vomit! Raincoasters blog is 'pleasant escapism' as it's intelligent and entertaining without making me want to smack someone very hard.

We should get together and sponsor a single mum living in a tower block to write a blog. 'As I watched the glistening brown back of a cockroach scampering across the kitchen work surface I touched my face lightly and felt the peach softness of my cheek where the bruises were now hardly visable. I tasted salt tears, held back all day untill my babes slept, and contemplated another visit from 'daddy' and wondered if he would black the other eye. I smiled at the thought, as I picked my way across the lino floor to watch my babes sleeping under coats, (it's cold, no money for the meter) that some women actually think just not having a TV is a problem. Oh how I laughed in the darkness.'

Newmania said...

I don`t know that thats going to happen Ellee I `m kinda busy to upping and offing to Cambridge tempting though you make it sound. Any way you know the rules. London is the centre of he world and people come to London.

Thats my first thought anyway but further consideration may be forthcoming .

Philipa said...

ellee - I've ALWAYS wanted to go punting and guess my experience would end up something like Bridget Jones.

Newmania said...

Well Phillipa I love your writing and you last one was absolutely tremendous . I `ve always said you had some real talent I notice you are getting better.

You can`t deny though that the Wifey stuff is exceedingly accomplished and while I fear you I won`t be brow beaten on this.She is good some times brilliant.

Her life is pleasant so what , are we so envious that we can`t stand anyone having a decent time? Isn`t that what Harold Wilson would have wanted ? (Yes) I just think she is rather good at what she does and if its a pleasure to look at what is the problem.


If other people have a crappy life and no chance that is not her fault and I do not want to start a bleeding heartothon.


It isn`t me.

I `m not that nice

Newmania said...

Well Phillipa I love your writing and you last one was absolutely tremendous . I `ve always said you had some real talent I notice you are getting better.

You can`t deny though that the Wifey stuff is exceedingly accomplished and while I fear you I won`t be brow beaten on this.She is good some times brilliant.

Her life is pleasant so what , are we so envious that we can`t stand anyone having a decent time? Isn`t that what Harold Wilson would have wanted ? (Yes) I just think she is rather good at what she does and if its a pleasure to look at what is the problem.


If other people have a crappy life and no chance that is not her fault and I do not want to start a bleeding heartothon.


It isn`t me.

I `m not that nice

electro-kevin said...

Like the famous blues guitarist ... he was good because he'd paid his dues.

(Philipa)

Newmania said...

You play the guitar don`t you Kevin. I strum away very badly. I went on a songwriting course once and the chap taking it said " Oh you`re a keyboard player that can strum a bit , this will be horrible ".

He was right and he was a terrific guitarist

electro-kevin said...

He he !

How do you confuse a guitarist ?

Put a sheet of music in front of him !

Verrrry true I'm 'fraid.

Now they send kids to college to become popstars. That sounds perverse to me - real rock stars run away from college for goodness sake.

Newmania said...

KEV-After years and years of playing by ear I can work out how to play most pop music. I have even done some ok ish songs.

I am always awed when I see someone who just seems to be born with it. I would have just loved to have had that sort of talent especially when you are young and in tune with everything going on around you . I am very far from that.

Philipa said...

Newmania - her life is pleasant, so what? So stop whining on then - oh poor me, poor me. If I had such a great life I'd never stop thanking my husband, not whining about where he choses to put a roof over our heads. Believe me, I'd be giving him 'American Apple Pie' every day and posting on my blog: F--- me life's great - I've got this wonderful husband and children and we have a house! I have someone who loves me - I can stretch out my hand and there he is, he knows every curve of my body and always knows how to make me smile. I have a friend, a companion, a lover, a husband, a father to my children, who works his arse off to provide for us. I know that whatever happens I can talk to him, he will never turn me away. I am welcome. We are warm, we are safe, we are loved.

I would never stop celebrating my good fortune. And I would have great sex. And maybe even ask Ms Smack for a few hints and tips. Just for birthdays and xmas - one doesn't like to be dull does one?

Philipa said...

Kev - sorry I didn't get that (but it is late)

I'm a fairly bluesy kinda gal.

Can't play the guitar though. Got a drum. Like hitting things.

Justin Hinchcliffe said...

N, you're coming across as a little aggressive in your responses to various people. You stopped taking the happy pills?

Newmania said...

Don`t think so Justin the only person I don`t much care for is Rachel of whatever, but I `m even bored with that now .

Thakyou for your helpful advice........
( See how polite I am )

XXX

electro-kevin said...

N. I had to study classical because I can't improvise very well and wanted to be able to sight read music to make up for it. I can do this now but the more difficult pieces (grade 8 +) still take a long time to learn. I envy those who can do it with apparent ease.

Remember that it's tone/dynamics/feeling that counts:

It's better to move and audience than it is to dazzle them.

Better to do something basic well than something difficult badly.

Some of my fave pieces are around grade 2 level (1 year of study).

Also, don't be too impressed by some musicians as it is a common trick to dictate what the programme without you realising whilst giving the false impression of spontenaity.

A really good guitarist ? Andy Summers from The Police. Very well musically educated.

electro-kevin said...

Philipa.

You're a cracking writer - keep the ascerbic wit coming.

You've paid your dues after all.

Newmania said...

I went to a music course once Kev and we played "I would rather go blind ". It has two chords 1 and 2 minor . Great effect though.
The thing I found hardest was keeping time ... I discovered that when I was practising I just slowed down when it got difficult.

In dance music especially it has to be super tight . Harder than you think

electro-kevin said...

...like my one piece.

Newmania said...

Ha ha ha

Ms Smack said...

Philipa, I totally dig where you're coming from.

Newmania said...

Like your post on IT Miss Smack it was really ineteresting

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