Friday, November 16, 2007


A chap I know , in the office , has been looking into hiring an escort to go to a wedding and make him look successful. One of trawl through the internet later and it is pretty clear that escort and “Whore ‘ are interchangeable terms , not that I have any special objection to either personally . I am on the other hand fascinated to see there is a language of abbreviation familiar to regulars and happy to point out I had to think long and hard about what it all meant. One foxed me completely .Anyway these are things the “ Young Lady " will either do, or not do .


What is your score out of seven? Just how sleazy are you?

Why Don`t You Live There ?

Has anyone noticed that since we overtook Germany for high taxes , the focus of Left`s worship has been Sweden.? La Toynbee never stops about its virtues and I gather a couple of reports have added to the tumultuous applause of late . The achingly po-faced , Kira Cochrane ,the Women’s editor for the Guardian is on about the blond perfections in the New Statesman today.

We can see why they adore it . “Sweden has the highest total tax revenue as percentage of GDP of any other ranked country (as of 2005). It's also the only country in the world with a total tax revenue higher than 50 % of GDP” Niall Ferguson puts “State Governed Expenditure” at about 70% . So you work for the government creche to grave .It sounds awful but read on ....

They have the longest life expectancy in the world and the highest per capita ratio of Nobel Laureates. Politically correct to a nicety they have, ( according to the World Economic Forum” ), closed 80 % of the gender gap and thus, “serve as a useful benchmark for international comparisons”( We are 11th and the US.. ahem 31st just ahead of Kazakhstan ).Compulsory “parental” , not just maternity , leave adds up to 480 days per child and it was named as the “best country in Europe when it comes to welcoming immigrants “ Surely the economy must be in free fall?...Errrm no it isn`t actually .The World Economic forum pronounced it the fourth most competitive in the world .

It sounds like a miracle doesn’t it . It is of course nothing of the sort.

Two Swedish economists (of Timbro) recently published (Dec 2004 ) that asks how European countries would fare if suddenly admitted into the American union. The results? If the UK, France, or Italy became U.S. states, they would rank as the fifth poorest of the fifty, ahead only of Arkansas, Montana, West Virginia, and Mississippi. The richest EU country—Ireland—would be the 13th poorest. Sweden would be the 6th poorest. In fact, the study found that 40% of all Swedish households would classify as low-income in the U.S. So lets get it in proportion.
More importantly ,there are only nine million people in Sweden’s vastness . Inward migration from outside Europe is negligible and they sit on fabulous mineral , forestry and coal reserves . They are also possessors of along tradition of neutrality from which their economy stole a march on the rest in post war booms as fact conveniently forgotten by the left.... . We had the Nazis to fend off 60 million people to fit in ,plus a stream of world wide social problems to pay for . The per-capita wealth of the Swedes is just a trick of numbers..

The character of the Swedes seems peculiarly able to get by with trading material sufficiency for slavery anyway. They are robotically conformist and dull to the point of temple throbbing agony. For example, on September 3, 1967 at 5am, the whole country went from driving on the left to driving on the right, despite the fact that 80 per cent of the population had voted against the change in a referendum. Imagine trying the same stunt here ! Italy...forget about it . Alcohol is hard to get and punitively taxed and anecdotally ,there are few laughs, or even smile between the herd. It is well known that Sweden is always near the top of the suicide ratings for developed countries
This is what the Socialists dream of then . A supine downtrodden fat milch cow race of translucent flesh sacks kept sleek until 111 , able to produce broods of similarly bovine crèche fodder, all harvesting inherited wealth whilst staring at each other in the gloom. .....Could be

So what does Sweden really teach us ?

That it is possible to take a country swollen with resources , with endless space , no housing costs , and an educated work force and still make it the most misery sodden penumbrian wasteland in the Western World. What’s more , the left know it. In the old days there was the mystic grandeur of Mother Russia to pose against America’s supposed gaudy materialism .Now the socialist’ dream’ is reduced to a lie about a tiny country with a tinier soul. They would cut their own throats before they gave up their cheerful wine soaked posturing in our relatively free country. By coincidence the Swedes are starting to feel the same way about their stalag , under a new and less authoritarian government.

If you like it so much why don`t you live there ? It has always been a good question and it still is . I rank it right up there with “Where do you send your children to school then ?”

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Just The Facts

Figures below are from 2006 Pink Book available from the ONS:-

UK trade with World £525b

UK trade with EU £240bn (46%)

UK trade with all Europe £290bn (55%)


Some other facts from the pink book

We have a trade surplus with the USA, but a serious deficit with our "partners" in the EU (we will happily buy cars from anywhere, but the French and Germans will only buy cars made in their own nations). Our trade with the EU is shrinking, whilst our trade with the RoW is growing very rapidly. It has been estimated that by 2017 less than a third of our exports will be going to the EU.

( A comment on Guidot )

Perhaps I shall hire a little boat ......

Now I am a real commuter and able to unfurl the Telegraph with the graceful ease of a courtly arabesque my mornings are a little less frantic . I have time to study the ruddy cheeked yokels that wave and gurgle excitedly as the “City train” propels its occupants at magical speed from their world of hedgerow and birdsong. If only I were able to light a pipe the picture would be complete ..... If only that nasty oik would put his lap top away.
In this dreamy state thoughts amble good naturedly like fluffy cirrus up on the Downs . Does Lulu , as Jan Muir suggests , drink the blood of Jimmy Cranky to remain so supernaturally youthful ? Is Jaqui Smith going to escape her “Fiasco” .Well perhaps this time , but as Andrew Gimson remarks . David Davies “Likes it when they struggle “. With my thermos flask of coffee sending aromatic drapes of steam into the carriage I muse upon whether the evident gulf in ability between the aging Blair babe and her adversary is more than coincidence. The story of the main Parties has , after all been contrasting . While the Labour Party handed in its beliefs and became characterised by brutal discipline the Conservatives have rarely left off in fighting. From the rebellious ranks ,howeve, an awesome front bench has emerged . I shall enjoy Messrs Davies and Cameron eating their opposite numbers for breakfast with the gentle concern of those who insist the last mouthful of egg, bacon and brown sauce is judged to a nicety.
The last guttering of this delicious haze are rudely snuffed at East Croydon whose architecture positively invites terrorism on aesthetic grounds alone . But a fleeting grimace is soon replaced with the jovial stoicism that runs through the English like rheumatism. We put up with £12 billion slipping from smugglers coves into the EU ,by moonlight, and remaining un-audited , we put up with £30 billion disappearing into the pockets of needy relatives beyond Hadrian’s wall and we put up with the Labour Party deploying 69 MPs whose constituents are unaffected by English legislation. Truly we must be the descendants of Beowulf .Perhaps I shall hire a little boat this weekend .........

(Newmania has been reading Three men In A Boat)

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Tits and Asp... (?)

Heres a story from the Independent from 8.4.06

“ All the money in the world won`t help a man if he hasn`t got a pert bottom” This was based on something in New Scientists and therefore must be true .

I must do more clenching exercises
A day or two ago I saw more scientific evidence that women with shapely curves were preferred by men not only for their child bearing properties but because they tend to be cleverer. Its a bit of an embarrassing metro-sexual admission but I do find a woman’s mind irresistible. Mind you I would not throw gemma Atkinson out of bed for eating crackers either. Poor thing her mighty assets seem to have got her in trouble .This may be the only thing she has in common with Lord Ashcroft currently struggling with his non domiciled (?) tax status as a Lord . Never mind lord Coen is drifting our way I see ...

'Gemma Atkinson is facing double trouble in the jungle because of her lovely 34E boobs. TV bosses are worried they will land her in danger with the poisonous snakes and spiders crawling in camp. They have warned all the stars that they "must see their feet at all times".

'This is because if the celebs do not look where they tread in the rainforest, they could step on a venomous snake or disturb a deadly spider and get bitten. However they fear former Hollyoaks babe Gemma, 22, could end up in hospital because of her huge breasts. They are concerned she will not be able to see her feet' - The Daily Star.

Alabama Emergency Room

Brown used to tickle Old Labour tummys by refusing to wear a penguin suit to formal dos. I notice thats all gone at the Lord Mayors Banquet last night. Choosing the right clothes can be very important . I could be wrong, but judging by the patients hat........he ain't gonna make it!!!

PS. If anyone can tell me the most played piece of music in the world they get a big kiss. (This offer subject to female and attractive status ....ok female will do)

No Means NO !

I do wonder if David Cameron is indulging in that favourite political posture, being, “In favour of good “and, “ against evil”, with his controversial suggestion that we should... “ Do something about the poor level of rape convictions “ .

From the figures it appears he has lifted up a rock. I am not so much impressed that only 5.7 % of reported rapes result in convictions now, as that, in 1977 , the same figures was 33%.I suspect the numbers reported would illuminate these statistics . If only severely aggravated cases ever came to light then the proportion would look healthy even if the underlying reasons were quite the reverse. In any case, if that 33% is composed of allegations that should not come to court, or were not properly proven , then where exactly has the law or its interpretation been changed ? Is the suggestion that it is worth a few innocent men being convicted to keep women safe ? I doubt it, and if we are going to favour the victim ,I would like to see that across the board not merely for, “Hate crimes”, and ,"anti- women crimes”I find the thought of rape appalling as any sane man does but I `m afraid I do not regard the allegation of rape as the same thing as the fact. This is some research done in America ...

Half of all Rape Charges May Be False
. At least 10 percent and perhaps as many as 40 percent of all rape charges are lies. Research results In the Midwest:41% of the total rape cases were recanted by the alleged victim during a 9-year study in a metropolitan Midwestern town. •45 of the 109 complainants admitted that no rape had occurred in period.The incidence figure (from 1978 to 1987) of false rape varied from year to year and ranged from a low of •27% to a high of 70% The alleged rape victims admitted that they had made the false rape charges for three reasons:
• to create an alibi,• to get revenge,• to get attention or sympathy.

It is not a question of assuming the woman is a liar, but of the presumption of innocence, in the absence of proof to the contrary . I will not have any special pleading that crosses that line . No means NO !

Rape is a particular sort of crime as regards proof . It is necessarily private and as the reporting level goes up the extent of complicity in the time place and opportunity are likely to increase making retrospective vision tricky. Date rape and grey area changes of mind en route are going to be in the mix not to say malicious accusation which certainly does happen. The plain truth is that the plain truth will never be known and for an innocent man this is decidedly inconvenient

Jill Seward in the Telegraph today complains that for every grievous assault and ( as she suffered) there are far more drug induced and alcohol blurred rapes of equal seriousness that require a specialist Jury to obtain convictions . No no no no....and again, I mean NO!. Such a specialist Jury would be conviction by political climate and feminist theory. Can you imagine how such ,“Expert Testimony”” would be torn to pieces in Court and rightly so.

So what’s to be done? The Conservative Party quote studies showing that half of young men think its acceptable to force a woman to have sex under some circumstances. Well frankly this is rubbish as is the claim that 1 in 20 has been raped . The rise in reporting is a good thing but the unfashionable truth is this .

The only people that can prevent rape are women .They can do it by being in the company of trusted men , not accepting drinks from strangers and being quite clear about their intentions .The more available , drunk and defenceless they appear the greater the risks they run and this is not condoning rapists any more than asking people to lock up condones burglars . The Conservative Party are suggesting there should be “lessons in consent” for boys at school. I would say any boy who needs that lesson will; never learn it. Such behaviours are not reached so coarsely and will only be changed as we change our society back to the respectful civilised society we once had...don`t get me started .... In the meantime women must be careful.

Monday, November 12, 2007

From The Ridiculous To The Sublime

Health And Safety and Cats

Tom Mullarkey of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents ,is distancing himself from health and Safety madness today . ” It is seen as something that restricts your life rather than helping you to live fully and successfully” he says .We are almost into Alice through the looking glass territory when he commends risk in children`s play . I am of the opinion that the vast majority of therapy , for example , is actually harmful and there is some evidence to back it up but to remove a strut once its in place is a difficult business ; hence the ‘controlling’ ratchet will always tend to crank up. The playgrounds close, and children resort to the building site.That wasn`t supposed to happen..

Life is like a herd of cats and the more you shout at them the less likely they are to cooperate. Are you listening Labour droogs! Market and local solutions are the studiously positioned pot of Whiskas and soft imprecation. At least you have some chance.

Law of Unintended Consequences

At the dark place of my Dickensian employment we sell a product to keep our clients safe from Employers Liability related Prosecution . It is a web based package that costs little and obliges all employees to watch modules on ,say ,“Picking Up Paper Clips The Safe Way”, and then answer a few questions . This they can do anywhere and the system logs their progress and the employer’s requests. In effect , it passes the onus for ensuring safety back from the Employer to the employees with a little cheap tailored IT. The client has less reason than he did before to attend to his employee’s safety by purchasing a Product that concentrates on ticking the right boxes. As ever the law of unintended consequences in the one constant. Here Kitty Kitty !!!

Heath and Safety and Bonfires

In llfracocmbe Devon 3000 people turned up in 2006 to watch a big screen virtual bonfire.

Our Superintendent Parrot tried to stop the denizens of Lewes ,my marvellous new home, from throwing Bangers during their famous Bonfire Night extravaganza. He was resisted, and somewhat dis-obliged to find himself portrayed by the Commercial Square Society as a 12 foot effigy with a banger stuffed up his arse. . Mr. Parrot says he will “Take the joke in the spirit it was intended”...That is because he has no choice .Down in Lewes they are not yet accustomed to doing as they are told by any jumped up bossy boots in a uniform( expect for pleasure of course)60,000 attended this fantastic celebration of the free spirit this year. They have to pull up the Parking meters to let the marchers through...

Then There Were Adults

Health and safety is only one of the many ways in which we are prevented from Growing up. From serving suggestions..” The Haricot bean sits beautifully on grilled bread..” ..., to notices not to wear stilettos climbing across cattle grids .... The tragic middle aged still ”Clubbing “, collude in the process. How different it was when my grandfather went off to War and was one of the few to survive the Somme .( He was shot in the shoulder ) This weekend I attended a Remembrance day parade and wept listening to Nimrod played at the Cenotaph.


In the evening we watched the rather wonderful “My Boy Jack” about Rudyard Kipling’s efforts to get his son into the war and bitter regret when his career consisted of a fifty yard dash towards getting hid face blown off. I love Rudyard Kipling and this was a magnificent drama in which Daniel Radcliff jejune moustache perfectly signalled the abrupt manhood of the day. The drama was universal in that it portrayed to collision of the Edwardian world of romantic Imperialism with the brutal reality of the trenches . Rudyard Kipling never recovered that boisterous confidence he had evinced, like so many Victorians Paradoxically his late sometimes elegiac stories are perhaps the best he ever wrote .

Paxman Gets It Wrong

It is the grinding of gears between ages that gives Wilfred Owens poetry its potent pathos. Paxman missed the point entirely by concentrating only on the 'gritty reality' . Owen`s work is docu-drama , but it is much more. Owen was not a sophisticated enough man not be immersed in the romantic poetic assumptions of his day . Swinburne , now largely forgotten was his exciting future ,the fractured visions of Ezra Pound , Elliot, Picasso and Schonberg were undreamt of.
So , still a boy in his art, he saw agonised futility but had only a language tending towards heroism and sublimity. It is this collision of form and the content that lends an unbearable poignancy to his verse. The beauty that this war shattered ,is always present .

Are we still scarred by this war and its continuation from 39 to 45? Has this experience of “Growing Up” of facing reality so horrified us that we have retreated into a permanent childhood ? Perhaps its understandable. Noone who has ever paused at a village War Memorial can fail to be moved by the last stanza of ....The Send-off

Shall they return to beatings of great bells
In wild trainloads?
A few, a few, too few for drums and yells,
May creep back, silent, to still village wells
Up half-known roads.

Life Goes On

Albert James Newman survived the Somme a comrade dragged him back from Noman`s Land in the night. He lived a troubled life in some pain until a relatively early death . He went on to have six children. His son John Newman , went on to have three children one of which is yours truly.

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